Love life in a nutshell.

Every relationship we have ever encountered in our lives, we had dramatically over reacted. Some I feel are not worth mentioning, others are etched into my memory, and will always be remembered as beautiful and ever-lasted.

I have finally decided to scramble a historic encounter of women I have met and will always remember. This account of my past has stayed with me for as long as I could remember, and it has been getting heavier each passing year.

I believe, without, letting it out, I might never be able to ever fall in love again. Life IS drama. Just as in any story, joy is felt just as much as pain. And NO ONE, goes thru life, without ever experiencing one and the other.

Summarizing my past love life is really hard. And I’ll just do it by names in chronological order:

1st there was Zhen Zhen, probably to me, the most physically attractive of the lot. But it didn’t last very long, and it was the 1st time I ever cried over a girl.

Huiling came into my life about a year after the failed relationship with Zhen Zhen… And I’ll come back to talk about her later.

Then there was Hazel. The last time I had ever cried over a girl. And it was probably the most painful. Pain because she had exiled me from her life, and because we couldn’t even be friends.

It took me awhile before I actually got into another relationship again. I wouldn’t have met Hui Ying on that faithful day if not for the generosity of public holidays (that time, I was still in the Air Force, and was busy like a little ant working in a jungle for wild ant eaters). Anyway, it went on about 6 mths before a fatally cruel decision on my part to partake in an economic revolution at that time, saw me withdraw my relationship commitments. A decision I have yet to regret. Though the economic venture was a failure. Enough said.

Julia. Never will forget, but forgettable. Closest to turning my life around, but was never ever together. Actually, if she had accepted me that time, I would have stayed in the force. So it could be a blessing she left me hanging for months and finally saying ‘no’ in a very indirect way. Thanx.

Then there was Jasmine. Oh, silly me, for at some point of time, I was thinking that she could have been the one to be married to. Well, the lesson learned from here is that love is more than a pack of acceptable lies. It is a union of souls. And when your souls don’t match and they dun want to shake hands…then you know it really wasn’t meant to be.

Ginny. I feel she’s caught up in her own world. Not that she wasn’t nice, but she’s constantly struggling with unnecessary, self-inflicted problems. Was pretty much over when commitment from her was not delivered. The End.

Jennifer was probably one of the sweetest of the lot I have met. But I think, I couldn’t say I loved her, coz she turned out to be more of a sister I never had. And that sibling feeling became stronger. The attraction was real though, just wasn’t meant to be.

So far, it’s been a long and fatal journey…and the thing that’s been on my chest, is the realization of who was the one I truly loved, and that she will never be with me again.

That day at Allan’s wedding, I saw her in her red dress expecting her 3rd or 4th child….and it occurred to me that she had not changed a bit. Her actions were the same, her hair was the same, and her smile was the same, the way I knew it.
Just that, I didn’t have the courage to speak to her. And till then, she was still the only one that set my heart racing again. Everything about her was as I remembered when we were together almost 9 years ago.

Though I have been telling myself it was a decision that was not going to be regrettable, truth of the matter is that it was. But I guess, when you are not meant to be with someone, you are not meant to be with someone. And I have slowly accepted this fact and applied it religiously. Huiling, is probably the one person whose image has been immortalized.

Today, though I no longer have the desire to be with her, I am at least happy to know that she’s been happy all these years…and that she’s living her own private dream. And that’s good enough for me. Stay joyous Huiling coz you’re truly blessed. It’s the least you deserved.

Well, when the sun comes out, its another day. And when the sun comes out, I’ll have to sing again, coz we are all living a drama - A life we once knew, a life we are still scripting.

I will Love again.